| We’ve all been there before. Times when we’ve thought we’d been treated unjustly by that one guy you thought the world of. And guess what? He wont admit he did anything wrong! Sure he could've broken up with you on a post it. "What’s wrong with that?" He’ll say, truly puzzled at the steam coming out of your ears. So what if he doesn’t even bother to tell you he got engaged to someone else in the middle of your relationship? He’ll look at you wide-eyed with a big, "what did I do wrong, aren’t you happy for me", look, that’ll bring the Norman Bates out in you. Or you could get what happened to me….the nicest guy in the world acting like making sure I never felt pain was his life’s goal one day and turning into, I never liked you that much why should I care what you feel, guy 24 hours later. "That Culminated into him calling me a nutjob" I’m sure only women can understand the overriding need I felt to make him see that he could have handled the end in a much better way. Soon instead of focusing on the fact that it was the end, that became a minor incident, I focused on making him see how badly he had treated me, and that I didn’t deserve it. That became my focus for nearly 2 months and culminated into him calling me a “nutjob”. At the time he said it, I was livid. How dare he call me a nutjob just because I was forcing him to admit what an asshole he was?? Just because I was thinking of hiring a private investigator to find out where he lived, and then travel 500 miles away just so I could key his car doesn’t make me a nutjob, does it? Well, yeah it sort of does. Are you a nutjob? What I learned the hard way was, trying to force someone to do or admit something they don’t want to, takes the focus off their perceived bad behavior and makes you look like the nutjob who is persecuting some poor guy. The following is a test to let you know if you are currently acting like a nutjob. Answer yes or no to the following questions. 1. Is the period you have spent being angry, longer than the actual length of the relationship? 2. Does your revenge idea seem perfectly plausible, even though it would require you to spend hundreds of dollars, travel long distances, and perhaps spend a considerable amount of time in jail? 3. Do you spend over half your date with a really hot guy telling him how badly this guy treated you? 4. Do you resort to name calling when you can’t get him to admit he’s wrong? 5. Do you say really terrible, mean things to him, feel bad, apologize 15 minutes later, then get mad when he tells you to leave him alone? Check your results Saying yes to even one of those questions makes you a nutjob. Even on Sex and the City, when Carrie got broken up to with a post it, she only acted out her anger one time and it wasn’t even to the guy that did it, it was to his friends. I’m not judging, trust me…I had to say yes to all five of those questions. Let me explain why no matter what he did, doing any one of the above makes you a nutjob. 1. Is the period you have spent being angry, longer than the actual length of the relationship? If you answer yes to this, you know you’re being crazy. I mean think about it…you’re having a more successful and longer relationship with your anger than you had with that guy!! And because you’re spending all that time canoodling with your anger, you are probably not having that much fun. I don’t know about you, but I’ve taken my anger to the movies, and it wasn’t fun at all! And try to take your anger with you when you’re out on a date with a new guy, and see if that gets you a second date, much less laid. And here’s a tip, when you’re complaining about this guy, and your best friend doesn’t remember who you’re talking about, that’s a clue that you’re carrying on way too long. 2. Does your revenge idea seem perfectly plausible, even though it would require you to spend hundreds of dollars, travel long distances, and perhaps spend a considerable amount of time in jail? Okay if you seriously answer yes to this, then I suggest an immediate trip to the mental hospital. Yes sometimes you think it will feel good to seriously hurt someone the way you feel you’ve been hurt, but in the long run, if you’re a good person, that thought will pass. Because as much as I thought I hated this guy, when I really thought of him suffering, I mean really suffering, I knew I would feel bad. Plus instead of spending hundreds of dollars on revenge, spend it on some killer shoes for your next date. And prison?? Really only Betty Broderick thinks that her revenge was worth the years and years of jail time she got….and lets face it….you know she’s a nutjob. 3. Do you spend over half your date with a really hot guy telling him how badly this guy treated you? I did this and boy did I feel like an idiot when I got home, early that night of course when the date was cut short. I mean he was smoking hot, and obviously interested in me, but instead of seeing a nice good looking guy who was incidentally, fun to be around, I only saw a guy who could make me understand why that other guy treated me that way. So after talking about it till his eyes glazed over, I realized that I probably should go home and stuff a pillow in my mouth. Nutjob!! 4. Do you resort to name calling when you can’t get him to admit he’s wrong? Oh my goodness girlfriend! You can’t get any crazier than this. When I found myself texting horrible things to him and had him resort to texting me to suck a bag of dicks, a moment of clarity hit me, when I realized that I wasn’t in Jr. High. And the poor guy, god bless him, probably felt like an idiot about it as well later…well probably not, he probably felt justified since he was dealing with a certifiable nutjob. The worst part is that it felt like I was having an out of body experience at the time. Like I could see myself blowing up when he answered my texts with insults. I was watching myself and while I wanted to let it go, I couldn’t make myself stop. I had to have the last word. He was not going to leave me with an insult I couldn’t respond to. Not responding meant he won. No…not responding would have made me less of a nutjob. 5. Do you say really terrible, mean things to him, feel bad, apologize 15 minutes later, then get mad when he tells you to leave him alone? Jesus, this one makes you look psychotic, I mean makes me look psychotic. I mean one minute, I am saying the most god awful things that while he’s trying to act like it’s not bothering him, I know the barbs are making their marks…..and of course he wishes fervently that he’d never met me…and wishes I’d just disappear. Then later, my conscience hits and I feel horrible for what I’ve said, apologize, which of course he wants nothing to do with, then get mad all over again for him not accepting my apology. Not only does it show that you don’t need another person to keep a fight going, it shows that you’ re schizophrenic…and you’re only forgiven for being schizophrenic if you take your medication. So there it is ladies, learn from my experience. Before I would say that he drove me into being a nutjob. But that’s not true, I got behind the wheel all by myself. And even if he truly did a horrible thing to you, when you lash out, you’re not going to feel better, just mean. And by horrible, I don’t mean telling you it’s over.. I have learned that there is no good way to break up with someone. A good friend of mine told me that even if I choreographed the whole thing and gave him a script to follow, I would still be mad at him for breaking up. And that’s when I came to my senses. I realized he was right. And because you look pathetic for being upset that someone broke up with you, I used the “you didn’t do it right way” reason, to justify my anger. After I came to my senses, I apologized one last time, and I really meant it. I’m 100% sure he won’t accept it and never speak to me again, but it made me feel better because it was the right thing to do. "What if someone treated me when I didn’t return their feelings, the same way I had treated him? I would just think they’re a nutjob." It’s okay to be angry when someone leaves you…but don’t let it take your dignity away. Don’t let it break you down, and turn you into a crazy person. Don’t give someone justification to say sarcastically, “boy I’m really kicking myself for not ending up with you.”. Find a different way to express your anger in a way that you don’t have to share it with everyone, and especially not with him. Because as I found out, you could be wrong. What you think could actually be wrong. I realized that I couldn’t hate someone for not loving me, because I have been guilty of the exact same thing. What if someone treated me when I didn’t return their feelings, the same way I had treated him? I would just think they’re a nutjob. But even if you slip as badly as I slipped, and became a 100% nutjob, forgive yourself. Pick yourself back up, thank your friends that helped you put things in perspective and learn from it. You’re human, and life is a series of kicks in the ass to teach you who you’re supposed to be. But try not to do it again. Because trying to make someone admit to your perceived idea of their bad behavior is like spitting into a monsoon. And you know what a person looks like that’s spitting into a monsoon? That’s right. A nutjob. |
| Trying to get a man to admit perceived bad behavior turns you into a "Nutjob" |
Lesson #1 –
| Life Lessons for Women |
